I got out of a company that slowly, over the course of ten years, ended up consuming my life, stealing the most precious years of motherhood under the guise of the complete opposite–time freedom.
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Abusers thrive in environments where victims are kept silent. Shame and fear perpetuate this cycle. I’m going to share a story of my predatory relationship with a scam artist.
My story began when I was 21, in a vulnerable time in my life where my best friend told me about this psychic. I had a previous experience with a celebrity psychic whom I vetted and did extensive research on. This new psychic I did no research on, I only went off of my best friend’s trust. I was nervous going into my appointment, but I wanted to step outside of my comfort zone. After all this was only gonna be a one time thing, what’s the worst that could happen?
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What matters the most to you in your life? What would your life be like if you had greater levels of self-confidence, self-expression or more love in your life? Imagine you have all of these things along with the time to focus on what matters to you. Picture your life with you being successful, breaking through your perceived constraints and limitations. Are you creating big things in your life, or do you want to see positive change in the world? Do you have goals to reach extraordinary levels of performance or just a niggling feeling that surely there is more to life? If this is you, welcome to the next step of your life.
Inspiring pitch? It is exactly the kind of language that seems to see inside a person’s thoughts, language that helps a person feel seen, understood and full of potential.
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It almost felt like waking up with another person’s memories; like from that moment, suddenly I’d known it all along. And I knew it was over.
I was heartbroken but so damn relieved. Finally, proof. The proof that literally no one else had needed; the red flags they’d all been trying to get me to just fucking look at for years.
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I got out…hmmm…not just yet…personal, financial, legal rocks keep me there still. There are many, many, many tangled parts of my life. But I’ve been able to breathe, I have had time to sleep, to eat, to laugh, to cook, walk the dogs, be silly with my husband and my kids.
I am getting out… It’s as if I’ve been underwater the last four years of my life. I met him when I was teaching High School English, just for fun. I really got those classes because I loved the campus where I was teaching.
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I GOT OUT……
it was around Easter 2022, a string of seemingly small events that had me unable to ignore the feeling in my gut that this was not going to end well. I hadn’t consciously planned on leaving, there were significant moments that led me closer to that exit doorway.
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Pain.
Shooting pain.
I feel the conduit tearing at my skin over and over again. Determined to never give him the satisfaction of winning, I tense my body and focus on counting. “40, 41, 42…” Knowing the amount I was to receive was my saving grace. So, I counted.
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“I’ll cut you up into little pieces before the police can get here.”
My husband had a knife and was chasing me and our three children across the street to the neighbor who had agreed to receive us. Few could believe that a minister would behave this way.
I was raised Catholic and knew early that that system did not honor my relationship with Christ.
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“2019 is going to be my year!”
I exclaimed from my VIP seat, high above the others. I felt a surge run through my body. I felt special.
I felt special because this year, I was selected. This was a complimentary ticket because a top mentor saw how hard I was working to succeed. Even though I was scared, I felt seen. My upline said the hotel, flight and food were business expenses, so when I worried out loud about the sacrifices I would be making to attend, she reminded me of this several times. I felt reassured.
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I said yes...
I subscribed to the promises of a guru who said she’d teach me groundbreaking science and support me in building my business as a body language trainer – a business that, in the first few months, would generate well over the $5,000 I invested (by taking out a personal loan.)
I agreed to be part of an elite group of like-minded people, to a small and chosen inner circle of badasses, when I had almost no positive friends and influences in my life, and felt like a nobody.
I said yes to efficient marketing tactics…to empty promises and lies.
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I got out of a Christian church/cult after having lived there for 40 years. They look good on the outside and the public message is all about love and forgiveness and living the Christian life fully in our daily lives, and what joy and freedom comes from that.
It is also about receiving correction from everyone around you, confessing your sins constantly, and being absolutely obedient without question. Behind the scenes no holds are barred and humiliation, shame, browbeating, and isolation are all used.
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𝘾𝙊𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙉𝙏 𝙒𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂: This story by Kara AB Brown speaks graphically of sexual abuse, rape, sex trafficking, trauma, and disassociation. PLEASE take care of yourself while reading this story.
One night, Douche took me dancing with some of his mall security work friends. I had the weekend off from my hostess job and, though I would have preferred staying in and watching TV or reading a book, I went out with them.
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𝘾𝙊𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙉𝙏 𝙒𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂: 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨.
Let me tell you about how abusive this place I was at is...
I was there since 2012 to 2018 and it was very abusive and it still scars me until this day.
It’s peculiar how life can take a drastic turn when least expected. On a day that seemed not unlike any other day, my life changed in one short encounter with my next-door neighbor whom I’d never met.
It happened late one afternoon when we were both at our mailboxes in front of our homes. We engaged in small talk, but then I felt her eyes on me. Studying me.
You fucking bitch who ruled my life for over 24 years. A huge shadow of a tiger on my therapist’s wall.
You tiny, little, pitiful, crazy thing. The actual tiny plastic tiger my therapist is holding.
I left the property I sunk so much of my money, time, and essence into 5 years ago.
I was groomed from birth forward to be completely obedient.
Far beyond the stereotypical and societal expectations for girls and women of my generation. I was a docile, quiet, intelligent child. Loving and eager to please, as children tend to be.
My mother was a predator and she preyed upon my siblings and me relentlessly. She was a sadist and exhibited no conscience, and never the slightest remorse. She had privilege and luxury, and she told us on a daily basis that we were her literal slaves. Her mantra was delivered to us, at least hourly, and it was, "Run, animal, run".
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