The Savior I Didn't Sign Up For...

“2019 is going to be my year!”

I exclaimed from my VIP seat, high above the others. I felt a surge run through my body. I felt special.  

I felt special because this year, I was selected. This was a complimentary ticket because a top  mentor saw how hard I was working to succeed. Even though I was scared, I felt seen. My  upline said the hotel, flight and food were business expenses, so when I worried out loud about the  sacrifices I would be making to attend, she reminded me of this several times. I felt reassured. 

This was my 5th seminar this year. I was missing my daughter’s 5th birthday but made sure to shift from guilt to gratitude. “The stars (and numbers) were aligning.” I said to myself. This was surely a sign. We’d delay hold the candles and the cake until next weekend. There was always next weekend. 

I took so many notes this time. All the secrets were scribbled somewhere in the pages. We’d  been at itthis for nearly 12 hours – surely they had to be. I learned so much it felt like my head  could explode! But what did I learn, specifically? 

I couldn’t wait to call home and share all I’d  learned. Suddenly I realized it was after bedtime at home. Bedtime. I couldn’t wait to get to  sleep…after I did my meditation, my journaling, my social media posts and follow ups. The call  could wait until morning. 

I had to keep showing up and doing everything I was supposed to be doing so that I could  succeed in this once and for all. I was doing this FOR my family. They were my WHY – the  reason I said yes to this opportunity. So I could be home with them. Yet, I wasn’t home with them  now.w 

Bbut that would change because 2019 was my year…all I needed to do was to sign up for this  coaching program.  

I had been stuck at a level in my company for the last 4 years. All the successful people were  hiring coaches and investing in themselves, and when I looked at everything I was doing every  day, investing in a coach was not one of them. 

This was the solution, the secret that I knew  was scribbled somewhere! 

So far, I was sending scripts to new people every day, I was building relationships, I was stepping out of my comfort zone, following up, posting on social media across several platforms, making videos, listening to trainings, sharing trainings with my team, reading self help, writing down my goals, speaking them out loud, meditating in the mornings and visualizing at night, using a vision board, saying affirmations, working out, following a strict 30-Day nutrition plan, staying coachable, making sacrifices, sitting in the VIP section at company and industry events and being sure to smile through it all – no matter how frustrating and overwhelming it felt sometimes. 

A coach would be able to help me stop feeling those things!

I signed up for and was accepted into the Facebook group where he went live every single day with a simple action step. If I did the action step every day, I was promised success in my  network marketing business. 

This felt like more than I ever could’ve asked for so I added it to my list – the list of things I should be doing every day to be successful, to be chosen, to be selected, to sit at the top of the pyramid. In a few months my personal sales were up. I was re-writing my story and creating a new superhero identity. 

He felt like a savior.  

Then slowly and very insidiously, this man claiming to save me and my business became less  Christ-like and more con. Not what I signed up for.  

After a few months of success, I was now a part of his Inner Circle where he consumed all my  time…and I consumed all of his content believing it was what would make me successful.  That’s what I was sold. When I created some semblance of success, I was asked to become a  coach and share my story. I felt seen again. 

The feeling I was chasing had arrived for a second time but it proved unsustainable. My multi-level marketing business wasn’t quite stable yet, so having another stream of income sounded smart. I said yes and was promised I could make my own schedule, and soon after, was even chosen to be a part of a speaking team where I would be up on stage sharing the secrets of the group. 

The savior promised his speaking team that certain speakers would even become millionaires by sharing his message. If they stayed around his campfire sooner or later they could catch his spark. He would give them the exposure they needed to be a successful speaker on stages all over the world. Yes…I could see myself on that stage and placed it on my vision board.  

Before I knew it, I was desperately doing everything for my own business, only to realize I was actually doing everything for HIS business. 

I was answering emails and Facebook messages, creating trainings for his groups, purchasing his swag and merchandise for my team, attending his events, creating courses to be sold on his platforms…but I wasn’t an employee. 

I was paid $22 for my coaching sessions, but the courses were sold for thousands of dollars. There were hours of work for an hourly wage; no benefits, no time off, no boundaries, no balance, no respect, no sense of self.  

I signed up to coach people but ended up being shamed for not selling enough tickets or  trainings.

I signed up to help people achieve their goals but instead was taught to gaslight and  manipulate them when they claimed the program wasn’t working.

I signed up believing people  had a chance at success in network marketing not realizing they were a part of a pyramid  scheme. 

I signed up to coach to help people make money only to realize I was expected to get them to spend more money on the groups courses, courses I was not compensated for.

I signed up hoping to help others develop and grow their income, yet all I was doing was  deepening the pockets of the leader.  

We could never question his coaching even if we knew better for our clients. If we did, there  was a very real fear that his daily live video the next day would be shaming you and calling you  out for being “uncoachable”. 

During Covid, many people were questioning the insensitivity of his scripts to recruit people and his response was to scream and yell at his paying customers, make racist remarks, and gaslight everyone’s feelings.  

When a friend of mine got out and started speaking out, I realized that all this time I’d been  made to believe I was being seen in the group, I was actually being silenced. 

She helped me piece together so much of what I was feeling. The last straw came when all my stress and overwhelm of the group culminated and caused me to need dental surgery for grinding my teeth. I had taken the time off for the dental surgery but at the last minute was coerced into showing up and taking a call.

I was told that I was needed to save a difficult client from quitting and was promised a bonus if I succeeded. I saved the client and was then told IF the client stays for six months and finishes out their sessions, then I’ll get the bonus. Suddenly the manipulation became clear. 

This was not what I signed up for.  

While working on my escape plan, we had a meeting with the savior where a colleague of mine  showed concern for one of her clients’ mental health. The savior's response was to promote his  latest book and encouraged us to promote it, too. He then went on to explain how we all were  addicted to our emotions and that’s what holds us back. 

I recognized this manipulative language and behavior from the cult literature I was exposing myself to and became sick to my stomach. The savior noticed the look on my face and called me out in the middle of the meeting. He accused me of a bad attitude simply because I wasn’t fawning at him, taking notes, or sitting there with a smile on my face. 

He began to belittle me in front of everyone. I confronted him and told him that his advice was dangerous, and that telling people to deny their emotions and intuition is classic cult behavior. 

He told the others that I was a great example of unmastered resentment and if I hated it so much why didn’t I leave? We all knew what “leaving” meant – it meant being a quitter, and an uncoachable “hater”. He continued to use the word hate several times to position me as a hater and pit the group against me. 

I left the meeting because I had to get on a coaching call with another client. Within 24 hours I  was ex-communicated from the group, content was made about me, and I was considered  uncoachable, low-vibrational, misguided energy. I was never properly compensated when I left  and he continues to profit off of trainings I created for the group. 

While he continues to scam people, I continue to speak out against high control coaching and  the multi-level marketing industry. I have chosen to make up for lost time by spending it with  my family and being present. 

I am working for a non-profit that I’m passionate about and now believe every year is MY YEAR…

Not because I signed up for coaching, but because I am committed to taking my SELF back.

~Jennifer Rajala