Stolen Moments Became Moments Stolen...

I got out of a company that slowly, over the course of ten years, ended up consuming my life, stealing the most precious years of motherhood under the guise of the complete opposite–time freedom. 

I did a technology fast in June of 2021, which is when I began to wake up. I went from 8-10 hours a day toggling between social media apps and Zoom meetings, to connecting to the simple pleasures that comes with truly living. 

I woke up to  knowing that I could no longer survive at this frenetic pace, filtering every decision and every action through a lens of how it could propel me to the next goal, and the next.

I asked for a sabbatical, because at first I believed I was depressed as a result of the pandemic. But as the months wore on, I realized the pandemic actually illuminated the precious gifts I had squandered (my children). I had forgotten who I was and what my values were. 

The simplest changes to my life felt profound. Being able to keep plants alive, sleeping better, having time to pet my cats and the obvious increased eye-contact I now had with my children, inspired me to dig deeper.

I started to learn about the history of MLM’s, coercive control and the ethical issues behind pyramid schemes. Now, I have returned to school to study Psychotherapy.

It took around 8 months for the fog to lift enough to where I remembered I had wanted to help people in that way, that psychology was my passion.  I hadn’t watched TV or read books for pleasure in years, and now I take time for rest and for play.

Most importantly to me, I remembered that my goal with motherhood had been to appreciate the world through the eyes of my children, and allow motherhood to grow me.

Today I continue to negotiate who I am. I currently feel stuck under the weight of the lies I had perpetuated; the false hopes I sold. I share my story as part of the process of making amends to mitigate the shame I feel over the harm I participated in causing.

~Brandie Hadfield
Mother, Writer, Speaker & Advocate