My First Religion:

I got out of a diasporic religion when I noticed that I had no power over my own life or feelings, they had given me a full plan on how to live my life with complete control over every aspect; diet, clothing, profession, friends, and acquaintances. It was in the year 2000, I was married at that time. They even gave me a full description of my husband's personality and traits of "goodness".

Of course the consequences for leaving; insanity, poverty, loneliness, and the destruction of my children's lives.

I was told that psychiatric hospitals were full of people who were insane, because everybody has a wireless line of communication to god, the minds of each individual wirelessly connected to god and being in Santeria "The real religion" acceptable and pleasing to god ensured that insanity would not affect that person.

By joining I was saved from insanity, but if I left then I was going to go insane.

I was told that my life and my family's life would be of happiness, success, and wealth in anything anyone chose to do.

I was told that Santeros were revered and feared by other religions and the general public. That many famous actors, singers, government officials, even presidents were members, and owed their success to the religion.

I had my doubts, but it was my mother telling me to join, so I joined.

They started by giving me bead necklaces, it was the first ceremony.

Purchase of beads and having the blood of several animals poured over stones and the necklaces, it was to have the saints with me for protection from harm.

They gave me "The warriors" a set of items that were the "Gods" themselves. To have the saints with me all the time to fight my battles.

They kept giving me items that according to them were going to help and protect me.

During one of the ceremonies they gave me a different name, I was told that my new name was Omi Toque and for all intents and purposes I had to use that name in the group and for ceremonies and rituals.

I was instructed to wear skirts only and all my clothes had to be white. I had to keep my head covered with a white piece of cloth at all times.

I was given a diet, foods I could not eat under any circumstances, for the rest of my life. I was told that those foods belonged to the saints/gods only.

I was told to do the first thought or idea that came to my mind and that I would succeed.

I was told I had the ability to read tarot cards. That there were multiple spirits in me and those spirits were communicating through me.

I was surprised, because I had no idea on how to do that.

I was taught to steal. During one of the ceremonies, one of the rituals was going to the farmer's market and one of the cult leaders ordered me to steal a fruit from each one of the seller's tables. I started walking through the aisles trying to steal the fruits and vegetables, but I couldn't go through with it. I only got a few fruits.

At the end of my walk the leader checked the bag he had given me to fill, and when he noticed I had only those few, he got very mad at me. He told me that I hadn't done good enough and that god/my saint was going to be disappointed.

I was instructed not to share any information with other members or with outsiders on the procedures or process of the rituals or ceremonies, because every person had to go through them to know about those.

Each and every ceremony, every saint acquisition had a price, paid in full upfront. Every time a major life decision had to be made, it had to be approved or disapproved by the Babalawo, because they have a direct line of communication to god and to access that line there is a price as well.

Huge amounts of money were going out to the cult, but nothing good in my life.

I had no choice or say over my own life or feelings and I had to pay large sums of money to either acquire a saint or make a life decision, if I had a problem payment was required to access the line of communication with God on a decision or pay for a ritual.

Of course, I was not happy or successful, and instead of having money, I was losing money. When I asked why, I was told of another saint I needed to have or a ritual that had to be made, or a ceremony that one of the saints was requiring for success.

Killing a goat, hen, rooster, turtle, etc. to please the saints or/and god to have good fortune.

Money, money, money! Killing animals and offering their blood to please the saints/gods.

The relationship of abuse with my husband did not change, it had been so for several years, since I met him in 1996.

I was told I had to read tarot cards and have a business to make money and recruit for the cult and my husband was to be himself a successful entrepreneur.

I refused to make money by telling people lies about their life, pretending that spirits were talking through cards shuffled and laid out at random to make up a story.

My mother had told me that that's how reading cards was done.

When I pointed out that cards shuffled changed every time they were laid out, how was that telling the person's future life? She said that the individual's life and events change from one minute to the next.

I tried doing it several times, but of course, it was the most embarrassing activity I've done. I discovered the lies, when I asked follow up questions to the people I had read cards for.

It didn't hold up to scrutiny.

My husband had a job, but often told me he didn't have money. I knew where the money was going, his affairs, parents and relatives.

We had three kids and were living in poverty.

I had entered the USA with a visa in 1997 and got married in 1998. I wanted to work and earn money, but my husband refused to file the paperwork for me to become a resident or have a work visa.

The abuse from my husband continued, regardless of my rituals, ceremonies or saints. And we were living in extreme poverty.

The last time I spoke to a Babalawo, he told me that it was too late for me to be saved, that I was condemned to failure and a life of suffering.

I refused to become a psychic/medium to recruit people into a group of people who lie and encourage the delusion of a god, gods, and saints.

I got out of the diasporic religion in 2008.

My Second Religion:

I was recruited by another cultic religion in 2009.

They taught about living happily for eternity. Which included eternal marriage in the temple and baptism for dead relatives to be joined with in the spirit world. I felt alone and the thought that maybe some of my relatives who had died would be with me in the afterlife was comforting. I had already given up on having my parents and relatives during my current lifetime.

Being a CHILD OF GOD.

My husband attended religious services at that church as well. My husband, my oldest son and myself got baptized. Our entire family began the indoctrination process, my husband, myself, and all 3 kids.

The relationship with my husband had not changed and slowly he started refusing to go to church, he was not happy.

The financial situation was getting worse.

I asked my husband to file the paperwork with immigration for me to be able to work and earn money to pay for expenses. He told me he didn't have the money to pay for the process.

I went to the bishop and asked for help to get the process with immigration done. He told me I didn't need to work, that I had a husband to provide for me, that I didn't need legal status to be a member of the church and I didn't need to work either.

I didn't understand, we didn't have money and he was telling me I didn't need to work?

I told him that if I worked and our family income increased, the amount of money to pay in tithing would increase as well, he did not hesitate. The bishop gave me the check.

I started working and earning money, but as my income increased my husband started working less hours. Our income didn't increase, it stayed the same, we were living on food stamps.

Our family never made it to the temple, there were requirements that were not met, attendance to church, payments for the church and there was nothing I could do, because my husband was not interested in the church or following the doctrines and I didn't have money.

The restrictions on clothing and having a prophet was not different from the Santeros who claimed having a direct line of communication with god or psychics who claimed to speak for spirits of dead people.

By 2009 my husband refused for our family to continue going to that church and we moved away.

Between 2009 and 2014, I would go to church on Christmas and Easter.

And the children would participate in some of the activities they had.

The abuse from my husband had gotten worse and I could not work. My husband wouldn't allow it.

I felt trapped.

I had started going to school, got my GED, took the ESL test and registered to take college courses.

I wanted to learn and better myself.

My husband's claims of not having money were typical, I started taking student loans to pay for most of the family's expenses.

I separated from my husband in 2014 after a fight where he almost killed me.

I finally got the courage to tell that he was abusing me and went to the police. The domestic violence report was finally with the law to protect me.

He couldn't be found because he had moved out of the house and I didn't know where he was living. He and his girlfriend were arrested by the police during a drug deal he was making and they both went to jail. He was having an affair and selling drugs.

The lawyer he hired for his drug dealing case made the domestic violence charge to be dropped, he was never held accountable for my abuse.

The trauma of my relationship with my husband took a big toll on me. I learned of the cycle of abuse in relationships and that's what my husband did from the very beginning of the relationship. I was in therapy for over a year, taking antidepressants. I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I have found that he has many traits of a narcissist and those are not the good ones. mean, selfish, doesn't feel anxiety or fear, enjoys humiliating people, cunning and manipulative, weaken people with insults and putdowns, lie easily and think nothing in breaking a promise, does not feel remorse or guilt, boast of the harm done to other people, force petty rules on other's, boast about tricking other people and breaking the law.

A narcissistic predator. He abused me and had several affairs throughout the marriage.

I was told that it was my fault, that women seeks a husband that is like the father, that it was the reason I had married him.

My parents and relatives told me it was my fault, that men were like dogs, they would go with whoever treated them better and that my husband had cheated on me because I wasn't being a good enough wife and he had been kind enough to marry me even though, I was a single mother when I met him and that was enough to make him a great man.

My oldest son was 18 months when I met my husband, he later adopted my son after one of the "honeymoon phases" trying to prove that he was going to take care of him and provide for all three kids.

I went to a shelter for women victims of domestic violence with two of my kids. My oldest son had graduated high school and gotten accepted into college and had moved out of town. He got close to one of my brothers who is a member of the diasporic religion and blamed me for the divorce and tragedy of his father going to jail and was told it was a consequence of me leaving the diasporic religion and that if I didn't go back it was going to continue destroying our family.

While in the shelter, I got a job and was able to afford to pay for an apartment.

I divorced my husband in 2015.

I felt alone and was going through extreme hardship, taking care and providing for two of my kids.

I had gotten divorced; my former husband was abusive and I had been a victim of domestic violence for many years.

I was scared and alone, so I went back to my second church. When I spoke to the bishop at church, he told me to go back to my husband - it is the right thing to do, he said.

“To be a loving wife and forgive, that Jesus was so good that he had atoned for our sins.

To consider if I had no sins first, before I could accuse my ex-husband of doing wrong.

To be happy for having the prophet and the restored gospel of Jesus and be like Jesus; serve others, regardless of harm or pain. That Jesus had endured torment and pain for us and I had to be obedient to gain eternal life.

To listen to the still small voice, the spirit of god "The inner voice" and let it guide me into making the right decision for my family's well-being.”

I understood why so many of the female church members and wives of church leaders were on antidepressants, sick, fighting to stay alive in such prison and the many who commit suicide, because they feel there is no way out and believing the afterlife will be better.

My ex-husband had been released from jail during the beginning of 2016 and he had gone to speak to the bishop.

When I understood they were not really true in their teachings and I felt worse after attending church and talking to the elders and bishop. I decided to leave the church definitely by mid 2016.

PSYCHIC

I met a psychic while attending the LDS church, I thought I was starting a friendship with a woman raising children by herself.

She was nice and caring, soon I recognized that what she told me did not resonate with who I really am, so I stopped talking to her. She was trying to get me to believe her card reading stories, but I only wanted to have a person to talk to.

I was struggling to care and provide for my kids, I worked at a job earning $8/hr and could barely pay rent and utilities.

Even Though, I was terrified of my ex-husband I contacted him to ask for money for the kid’s expenses. He told me he didn't have any money and he wanted an opportunity to prove he was a different person and have his family back.

I told him to get a job and pay for his kids expenses as far as a relationship with me, I had my doubts.

He got a high paying job and started making money, he had an income of over 5k a month. He told me to send him the details for all the expenses and he would give me the money. Of course, that never happened.

He told me he was not going to give me all that money, that he had his expenses to cover first. Not enough to give me for the kid’s expenses.

I asked him to stop trying to contact me.

Coaching and My Third Religion

In 2016, I went back to school to try and complete the college degree I had been studying for since 2009. I had dropped out when I went to the shelter and was working over 60 hours a week to pay for my family's expenses.

I took out more student loans and worked to afford it.

While going to school and working I was recruited by a life coach.

I was going to college and excited about graduating and having a better life for me and my kids. I was surviving by taking student loans and working at a gas station as a cashier.

The life coach was internationally recognized for doing great things for people and I felt great. The first lesson was on the right for life and happiness and loving one's life.

The 4 areas of life:

1 - Health and well-being
2 - Career and vocation
3 - Travel and vacation
4 - Love and relationships

I was going to start an online business and earn money to pay my student loan debt. I was going to graduate from college and have a stable job with work hours that would allow me to spend more time with my kids, afford to pay health insurance and have a retirement savings account while having enough money to have a modest lifestyle.

I was going to be able to afford taking my kids on a vacation!

I was going to be a teacher, teaching kids to read, write, basic math and science.

I was so excited I started searching for more material about her and her doctrine.

I bought a course for having an internet-based business. I read about the law of attraction and making vision boards. I found out about other leaders in the field, the law of vibration, and the movie The Secret.

Some of the most repeated phrases were:
"YOU ARE A CREATOR!"
"THE WORLD IS ALL YOURS!"
" THE UNIVERSE IS YOUR PLAYGROUND!"

"You create your own life experiences" "EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY YOU ENCOUNTER. IS WHAT YOU CREATED" which confused me, because I had no say in many experiences I had and that made me feel sad, disappointed with myself.

How had I been so dumb to have created such a shitty life?

I was listening to lots of "motivational" speeches during that time as well.

As I advanced through my life coach’s program, I noticed that when something went wrong, I was told I had to try harder and believe more. I believed I wasn't doing enough and that I wasn't believing enough.

Control my thoughts and emotions!

Guilt! Guilt! And lots of guilt!

I was taught thought stopping techniques, the life coach explained that she had been healed from an illness that was killing her only by stopping her thoughts.

She said the mind was like a rubber band in retrieving information from the past automatically and that in order to be successful the mind had to be thinking about the future of success intended.

She said that thinking about bad past experiences caused those experiences to be lived and experienced again and again for as long as the individual remembered those experiences.

Reading the newspaper, books, articles that would describe situations of abuse, accidents, war, were not to be read under any circumstance because that would create a feeling and feeling anger and pain would make me live and experience the same situations again and again in my future for as long I kept remembering them. I was told that if I wanted to have a life I loved, I had to suppress bad experiences, negative thoughts and negative feelings from my past and only feel love for everybody and everything, and to serve others always, if I wanted to have money.

That thoughts created the lifestyle experienced by each individual, she taught that each individual's life experiences were equivalent to the individual's thoughts and that in order to have a better life and experiences, only good, positive thoughts were to be allowed in the mind. To think of my mind as separate from my body to succeed in controlling my mind to be successful in having a life I loved.

She said that even Jesus knew of the law of attraction when he said "Love thy neighbor as yourself", because those people that were around an individual were because they were mirrors of the individual and the individual had attracted them.

She also added that in order to have a life that the individual loved, feelings were the key. Those feelings were needed in order to create and the stronger the feelings the greater success.

That the universe understood feelings and would create for me what was in my thoughts according to my feelings.

I was instructed not to watch the news, any type of media where information on current events were shown, locally or in the world, much less movies that would trigger feelings of sadness, fear, anger, and doubt were bad.

Doubting was extremely bad, because it meant lack of belief. NO FAITH!

I attended several of her workshops during that time. During the workshops, she had her staff pick a group of people from the audience to make a circle. She made us hold hands and pray while she held a light bulb. When the person holding the other end of the light bulb released the light bulb, the light went out. She said that proved we were all connected through vibrations and that in order to keep the light on, we had to stay connected or our light would go off.

She made us write on a notepad the life we love to live "Dream Life". She made us get into groups to share our dreams with others, she said that the only way for dreams to come true was to share them, that the power was greater when two people spoke about it.

One of the keys for becoming a "Dreambuilder"…

She stated that in order to succeed risks had to be taken, that jumping into the unknown was required regardless of fear and uncertainty.

She was selling other programs, as well as becoming a coach program.

She repeated continuously to use our imagination and pretend.

She would ask us to enact how we would behave if doubt and fear crept into our minds.

Turning around abruptly and stomping the floor with our foot and yelling "No! go away!"

Music was played after each break; a group of her staff would get on the stage to dance and sing while calling the attendees to join. Songs as funky town, cake on the beach, upbeat songs.

One of the leaders in the law of attraction field, a male close friend to the female life coach was introduced and he stated that the mind was like a computer and it was infallible in functioning and that he was going to program good and beneficial ideas for success.

He spoke about paradigms, stating that the biggest problem in most people was the poverty mentality. That poverty only existed in people's minds, that there was no poverty anywhere. That people who were poor were because they chose to think of poverty and lack.

So, for him children born in poverty is because THEY choose to think of poverty and lack. People who live in poverty is because they choose to live in poverty by thinking and having poverty and lack in their minds.

People who are poor is because it's their fault.

Guilt, guilt, and more guilt!!!

One of the leaders of the law of attraction, the woman who claims to speak for a multitude of dead people she calls collective consciousness stated that " People who were murdered during the holocaust was because they had attacked it to their lives"

They got what they deserved, their fault.

WTF!!!

The male leader of the group stated that a college education was worthless to be successful, that power, money, influence and happiness were obtained only by changing paradigms.

He said he didn't have a college degree and he had earned millions of dollars, had thousands of people working for him and teaching what he had discovered. That had led him to travel to places he had never dreamt of going.

That poverty and failure only existed in people's minds and the solution to get out of poverty and succeed was changing the paradigm.

"Fake it, till you make it!" Was one of his most repeated phrases.

That each individual is responsible for having paradigms and that remembering bad past experiences was bad and those had to be kept secret and deleted to eliminate them.

When I got to the second to last lesson I was told that I had to pay tithing - that it was the way for God/Higher Power to help me.

I had just gotten out of that second church and I was not going back to the cultic church! So I went to a catholic church.

I didn't understand why I had to pay tithing when I was not going to church, it didn't make sense.

I wasn't going to any church, nor was I attending religious services, but I went to a nearby catholic church and gave money.

It was horrible, the "listen and obey your mother and father" doctrine did NOT settle well for me. It was taking me all the way back to that first cultic church and occultism (my father was a fervent occultist).

The most relevant memories I have of my childhood, that I can remember most vividly, are of my parents fighting. My father being drunk and drugged, beating up my mother because she asked him to stop drinking and using drugs. When my father left the house, my mother would be enraged and she would take her anger out on me, she would drag me out of bed and punch and kick me nonstop, pulling me from my hair and dragging me outside the house and leaving me to sleep out on the sidewalk with my clothes torn. That happened often, since I can remember until I was 10 years old, when my parents separated and I went to live with my grandparents, my father's parents, they were catholic.

I was sent to receive doctrine from catholic priests and nuns. Repeating and memorizing prayers that I was a sinner and had to repent to be forgiven and gain God's love.

I was taught to confess, repent, and love.

One of my uncles was drunk one afternoon and was mad because I was watching tv, I was 11 years old. He told me to leave, to get out of the house.

I told him it was not his house, it was my parent's house and I wasn't going to leave. He started pulling me from my hair and punching me until he dragged me out. I was bruised and clothes torn. I spoke to the priest and he told me to pray to the Virgin Mary to get the anger out of my heart and forgive.

YO PECADOR

Yo confieso ante dios todopoderoso que he pecado mucho, en pensamiento, palabra, obra y omisión.
Por mi culpa!
Por mi culpa!
Por mi gran culpa!
Por eso ruego a santa maría, siempre virgen, a los santos y a ustedes hermanos que intercedan por mí ante dios nuestro señor.

I AM A SINNER

I confess before almighty god that I have sinned a lot, in my thoughts, words, actions, and by omission.
It's my fault!
It's my fault!
It's my biggest fault! (I was to pound my chest with my fist every time I said the word fault)
That is why I beg Saint Mary, always a virgin, the saints and all of you brothers to intercede for me before god our lord.

CREDO

Creo en dios padre, dios hijo y dios espíritu santo. Creo que hay un solo dios todopoderoso creador del cielo y de la tierra, de todo lo visible y lo invisible.
Creo en la iglesia que es una santa catolica y apostolica, confieso que hay un solo camino para el perdon de mis pecados.
Y espero la resureccion de los muertos y la vida del mundo futuro. Amen!

CREED

I believe in god father, god son, and god holy spirit. I belive there is only one almighty god creator of the skies and earth, of all that is visible and invisible.
I believe in the church that is holy catholic and apostolic, I confess there is only one road for the forgiveness of my sins.
And I await the resurrection of the dead and the life of a future world. Amen!

I memorized a 100-page booklet with prayers, reinforcing those beliefs at 10 years old.

My parents and grandparents only spoke Spanish, I learned English when I started going to school when I was 5 years old.

I was taught the 10 commandments and was told it was the law of god and that in order to live a life pleasing to god I had to follow them without hesitation and if I didn't, god would know and see it and I would go to hell.

I was told god was everywhere and knew everything, even my thoughts, so there was no fooling god and I would pay for it, sooner or later. In this life or in the next life.

The indoctrination of an all-seeing god, loving god above everyone and everything, including myself, of being a sinner since birth, shameful, guilty of Adam and Eve's sin, fear of the devil, hell and spirits and ghosts. And in order to pay for sin and gain worth was through seeking everybody's well-being, above mine, or else going to hell, the most extremely destructive doctrine for a child.

FAITH BASED LIVING CENTER

A friend from college knew all the struggle I was going through and she took me to a different Christian church and recommended to read the books by a female Christian preacher. The doctrine at the faith center was "You have the mind of Jesus Christ and you can do all the miracles Christ did" that all I had to do was join the church for them to show me how to "ride the bike" I wasn't sure what riding the bike meant, but I noticed that they asked for money 3 to 4 times during the service, I didn't go back. The pastor and his children run the church and they are the ones living the abundant life. Their lives are not modest, luxurious cars and businesses.

I didn't go back.

I listened to another leader about the benefits of meditation who offered a trip for a retreat to Costa Rica for over 2K. I could not afford to pay that much, so I found some guided meditation videos and some sound recordings with different frequencies and I practiced meditation online.

MLM

A woman I met, she is the parent of one of my daughter's friends from school, told me about the products she was taking and how much they were benefiting her and the opportunity to have a business selling the products.

I thought, I got the products to sell online to earn money. I had purchased the program to learn how to set up and have a business online.

I had to purchase the products and recruit more people in order to earn some money.

I had so much product, but they were not selling. The internet-based business program was not very helpful, I did not sell a single item.

I found out, soon after, that no matter if I sold any products, I still had to continue buying their products in order to continue with my membership. It was a greater expense than a benefit.

I got out, with less money.

When I got to the last lesson. I was told I had accomplished my dreams, the life I loved! All I had to do was look around me for the answers.

My life had not improved in any way.

The course for the internet business was so hard to access that I ended up quitting without even finishing, the seller was unreachable. No answer through emails and no customer service number. A scam!

The most I was able to do was write a bad review on his product.

I had moved to a bigger house, but it only meant I had to work two jobs to pay for a higher rent.

I had graduated college in December of 2017 as a teacher for elementary school. I applied for employment in every single school district in the entire county, I had countless interviews. I was not able to get a job in the field I had studied, the most I did was substituting and earned a total of $5,000 in six months.

I was $70,000 in debt. I had two kids to provide and care for. I did not have an internet business. By the end of 2018, I was worse than when I started the whole life coaching program.

As far as loving my life, not at all!

Emotionally devastated with fear and guilt, after visiting the catholic church, with a greater debt, having to work two jobs and taking care and providing for two kids.

Suppressing my trauma with my malignant narcissistic former husband. Still terrified of him, so much that I rather work 2 jobs to provide for the kids than speak to him.

And being told, I was not doing enough and to believe more, that I had to keep trying.

I cut my losses with all of them and threw away all of their materials. Mid 2019 I got out of the Dreambuilder coach program.

CHRISTIAN AUTHOR AND MY FOURTH CHURCH

While recovering from that, towards the end of 2019, I came across a Christian pastor's book and started listening to his doctrine, accepting Jesus as lord with a prayer and it was done "You have to declare having Jesus in you, you are Jesus' ' and declaring the opposite of a difficult problem.

The closure of businesses and public events began in the town I live in early 2020 because of COVID.

I started watching his broadcasts online and listening to his doctrine every week. Every Sunday morning, I watched and listened to him from home. I got a bible from his church, he sells his own version of the bible, with quotes from him and his wife. I would read the stories he referenced in the bible:

Moses leading the exodus and his lifestyle; his wife supporting him and their servant to have a child, his wife having a child after menopause.

Slavery? Perfectly normal!

Moses was ordered by "God" to free the people from slavery, but HE kept slaves? What god is that? Slavery is bad, but only for a Pharaoh? The people left because they didn't want to be slaves and Moses told them "God" had the promised land, ready for them!

The people were lost and wandering through the desert and several times they complained, god punished them?

"Tests from god" the pastor kept saying, "You have to be strong" because there is persecution and "You have to keep your FAITH"

People have to prove god loyalty? Again? Over and Over again? God wanting to confirm people's belief by testing them?

What happened to the all-knowing, all seeing, thought reader, feelings know it all God?

Job and his loyalty to God, Yes! The bet between God and Satan to find out how much torture could Job withstand. Seriously? What parent allows his/her child being tortured and does nothing? That is NOT my definition of a good, loving father/son god.

The jargon he uses, he could write his own dictionary. He most definitely has quite different morals than I do.

Abraham, Elijah, Joseph, David, and of course Jesus were his most often referenced characters from the bible, he kept as part of his preaching. He would say that those people from the bible were great and that everyone listening was to be like those people.

The cameras would show screen shots of the people in the audience, all of them wearing face masks. I was completely isolated from people and with a job working from home; a remote job. I was earning $8/ hr barely enough to pay rent, utilities and food.

The pastor's doctrine was about happiness and abundance from an all loving god through declarations and becoming "JESUS" and "A CHILD OF GOD".

A person that was ill, saying that he or she is healthy and strong, no medication was needed. I would ask him: How does he heal himself of an infection? Has he never been vaccinated?

He claimed his mother had been cured from terminal cancer with prayer and declarations only. He repeated the phrase "Your cancer can be cured by god, all you have to do is pray" So often, that I thought that I actually had cancer. I was doubting not having cancer!

His father and founder of the church was not healed of his illnesses by declarations or prayers, died of heart and kidney failure. Yes, he was on dialysis!

For a person in debt, by declaring being out of debt and that was all that was needed - and god would make it true, everything, from healing cancer to getting out of debt.

He emphasized that "You are not a victim" and " You were born in the right family" and encouraged people to be like the people in the bible. However, giving money to God was a requirement for "blessings".

His teachings include that all of the people's problems and illnesses are solved and healing is made by giving to god, of course that means giving money to his church. Money that goes to his pockets. It was recently in the news that cash was found stashed in his building by a contractor who was making repairs.

He also insisted that divorcee was a bad label and that it should not be spoken or the individual was not to identify as a divorcee. That whenever such thoughts appeared to hit the "delete" button on my mind/computer.

At the time I had acquired a debt of over 70K and had two kids to provide for and a narcissist ex-husband that refused to provide for his kids.

This author stated that God's promise was he would open the doors of heaven by paying tithing and giving money to the church, which I did. I tried to be positive and be happy all the time. I listened to his preaching, declared and was positive for over a year, my financial situation went from bad to worse. I was struggling to pay rent with my income. I was sad most of the time, I was depressed, crying almost every day. I had not decided to leave until the day that one of his brothers stood up during a service and declared being devastated because he was going through a divorce. The pastor’s own brother not only had labeled himself as a divorcee but was announcing it publicly.

I thought there was something wrong with this, it was not only happening to me, but his own brother was having a bad experience, didn't he declare enough?

And was going against his doctrine by labeling himself, talking about it and making a public announcement. His father had died, his sister had divorced as well and wrote a book about it!

Not only was I broke financially, but emotionally as well. It makes sense that a bomb was sent to him to try to kill him, I don't agree with that behavior, but I do understand whoever did. I only wrote a comment on his YouTube channel.

The doctrine of "Good God" is completely false or the definition of "Good God" that pastors/priests preach is completely different from mine.

So, I decided to walk out and throw away all of his materials, books and products in April of 2021.

ANOTHER CHRISTIAN PREACHER

While recovering from that church, I found a YouTube video of a man who spoke about gratitude, being grateful to be alive and that made me feel a little better.

He said that Jesus taught that we were to be grateful to receive blessings.

I had gotten a new job, but I had to work 10 to 12 hours a day, just to pay for the basic needs: rent, utilities, food, and keep my kids clothed. I thought maybe I could have a better chance of having more money, and I had started dating.

I watched several of his videos and he was selling his program called "The second mind" guided meditations, where he spoke about paradigms and changing them to be successful and the best way to do so was his program. To follow the intuition and that there are no coincidences.

I purchased his program, took the payments option. I didn't understand what he meant with a second mind, I had doubts.

I was getting really tired from working so many hours a day at my job. I had been told that there was a shortage in personnel and I had to fill in to do the work needed to keep the business open. The general manager yelled at me in front of co-workers and customers, because the receptionist and the employee that worked in the same office as I did were absent and I wasn't doing the job of both of them, without neglecting mine.

I didn't have time for myself. I started my work day at 7am and didn't end until 6pm, Monday through Saturday. I was told I had to work. I refused and started asking for a different schedule. Every time I asked, I was told that there was some type of problem that had happened where I was left with no option, but to keep working. A was exhausted!

I had been working that schedule since I started in May of 2021, it was the beginning of 2022.

I had shared with several of my co-workers that I did not believe in God, that my doubts had grown to where I couldn't continue believing. I shared an office with a coworker. She was 28 years old, single, no children, living with her mother. Several people working there had religious items on their desks, rosaries, all seeing eyes, plants with ribbons as charms, etc.

They were Santeros, Christian, Catholic, Buddhists, etc. I wrote on a sticky note "I Do Not Believe in God or Gods" and stuck it on the computer screen on my desk. The following day, my coworker approached me and said that she was "OFFENDED" by my note and she had spoken to the HR director and I was to remove that note immediately. I spoke to the HR director and she said it was company policy that no religious items were to be displayed at work. I went out and took pictures of the workers who had religious items, showed it to the director, however, not all of them were asked to have the items removed. I kept my note. I called the department of labor to file a report, I was told they couldn't help me. I knew I could not continue working in that toxic environment.

A few days later, I found a book by John W Loftus "Why I Became an Atheist: A Former Preacher Rejects Christianity" where he explains many of the lies in the bible. I had never been able to read the bible from cover to cover, I couldn't get past the story of creation, it doesn't make any sense!

And they have two, equally false!

I took "The Outsider Test for Faith" to know if religion was true or false. The results: false.

I found Richard Dawkins books: "The God Delusion", "The Selfish Gene" and "Outgrowing God''. I was working 10 to 12 hours a day, so I couldn't read. I bought the audio versions and played them at work. Yes, I was multitasking. Not productive, but not against company policy.

I found Christopher Hitchens' book "God is Not Great" as well.

I started searching for more information on the internet and found videos of the debates between Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Daniel Dennett with religious leaders and Neil deGrass Tyson on science and religion. I would see and hear them every opportunity I had.

I noticed when those debates had been uploaded to the internet, which meant those had to had happened way before I had found them, and I thought "Where the f*** have I been all this time?"

Astonished, ANGRY!

My boyfriend had been divorced for over a year and he was having his youngest son with him for an evening, so he told me he couldn't see me that weekend and to have fun. I went to a local bar to have a drink and spend time with people I was comfortable with; gay friends I knew. I was dancing and having fun with my friends, when I saw my boyfriend holding hands with another woman walking towards the exit. I left the dancing floor to go talk to my boyfriend. He told me he didn't want to talk to me, that he didn't know I was going to be there. I told him "You said you could not see me this weekend because you were going to be with your son and that I was to enjoy the weekend and have fun" "I was dancing!"

I asked him, what was he doing there and not with his son? His reply was that he needed to get out of his house to get a drink.

He started walking towards his car, which was near where I had parked my car. When we got close to the cars, the woman he was holding hands in the bar showed up and told him he had told her that he was going to take her home. I argued with my boyfriend and asked him not to take that woman with him. My boyfriend ignored me and opened the door to his car and helped the woman get in and left with her.

My former husband would talk to my youngest son and daughter directly on their cell phones, He spoke to my son and invited him to go on vacation with him for a week. I had allowed my son to spend time with him during the summer of 2021, a big mistake. When my son returned he began staying out late with his friends, not telling me where he was going, arriving late at school because he overslept. He quit his job and was not listening to me. When my son asked to go with his father again for Christmas 2021, I said no.

When spring vacation of 2022 started, my son left with his father, without my authorization. I spoke to my former husband and asked him to bring my son back because he had left without permission. My former husband told me that he was not going to return him home because I was demanding it "por tus puros huevos" he said. He stated that he was not going to do anything I asked.

He told me he would return him home whenever he decided to do so, never whenever I asked.

I called the police and I was told that my son was over 17 years old and legally I could not do anything to prevent him from going wherever he wanted.

I was devastated!

My family was being torn apart, my boyfriend had taken another woman and I was being forced to work over 60 hours a week, and harassed for not believing in God?

What the F*** were all those people upset about? I had found plenty of information that the bible is full of lies, therefore, Jesus and the writings about him are questionable, which by logic religion does not stand and I was certain that god does not exist.

I disagree with "lack of evidence, is not evidence of lack"

Most frequent phrase used by religious apologists.

At my place of employment, I gave the director my two weeks' notice of resignation. A week after, the assistant director walked into the office, pulled my sticky note off the computer, crumbled it and said that I had already been told I could not have any religious items on my desk. I walked out of the office with the money from the cash register, I had been given $150.00 to have change to give the customers when they paid. I went to the finance director to turn in the money from the register, he counted all the money and it was complete. I asked him to sign a receipt for me to keep as proof that I did not steal any of their money and walked out a week before the deadline.

I found the truth behind the gratitude hook from Jesus, the law of attraction, law of vibration, and spooky science.

The Christian/pseudo laws preacher uses Albert Einstein and his quotes to try to support his nonsense, he preaches about "spooky science" claiming that Einstein discovered that atoms appeared and/or disappeared according to the individual's consciousness, and the body being a "car" that will be disposed at death and a "new car" in the next life.

He preaches that the universe has feelings and atoms have a conscience that emerges according to the individual's own consciousness. Dissociation from one's self by stating that the body is a car and to disregard it, because there will be a "new car" in the afterlife.

Putting "The law of attraction" and " Law of vibration" "Spooky Science" as facts, along with gravity. Outrageous!

I read about the teachings of Jesus Christ from a different source "Ten Things Christians Wish Jesus Hadn’t Taught" by David Madison.

Many more doubts about the teachings of Jesus arose.

I had read and heard from scientists, scholars and former pastors/preachers explaining the truth of the bible, who wrote it, when, and the amount of fallacies in it, not only in the story of Jesus, but all throughout the bible.

I laughed and cried at the same time, why? I don't know

Religions are a scam, and it's always the individual's fault when unpleasant events and experiences happen. The good or pleasant events, god has to be credited.

I canceled the purchase of the second mind program and got to the point of closing my bank account to stop paying for his program. I had used the meditations and program for a few months, after all my experiences, I knew the program and philosophies were bad and erroneous.

I knew what the basic principles of the law of attraction and law of vibration were, it's the individual's fault. Those preachers tell lies, such as spooky science, to place guilt on the individual, not the doctrine. It's a non-ending cycle of shame, unworthiness and enslavement; mind control.

When I recognized there was an enormous difference between the doctrines I was receiving and the reality of my life and every time I asked, “why?” I was told it was my fault and I had to try harder, believe more, be better!

I got out!

I'm recovering from the harmful effects of being involved in destructive cults, raised in a totalitarian mainstream religion and bad parents who taught me obedience as a virtue and reinforced by grandparents and relatives. The teachings I received on marriage, family, and relationships are erroneous, the types of relationships cultic religions promote as correct because of "wisdom” “revelations" "Prophecies" are harmful.

I have read about research done by Dr. John C. Wathey on the innate need of animals for protection and care and the feelings that lead human beings to the misconception of a loving caring being, that is really non-existing.

"The Illusion of God's Presence: The Biological Origins of Spiritual Longing" and "The Phantom God"

The Delusion! A False Illusion!

I was never allowed to be myself as I was growing up and I struggled throughout my life to keep my sanity surrounded by nonsense.

I can say that I was in destructive cults after I read "Combating Cult Mind Control" by Dr. Hassan. I watched him on an episode of Scientology and the Aftermath.

I watched the documentary on Scientology by Leah Remini and Mike Rinder, 6 years after it had been released! I've read "Releasing the Bonds" as well.

I believed religion: "God" "Jesus" "The Bible" were good and religion would help make my life better.

"The carrot at the end of the stick" LIES!

Their system to keep people enslaved in an infantile illusion through life and hoping for a better after life, if the requirements are met.

Dispensing of life. A destroyed family and a debt of over 100K is all I have. I don't have a house, I don't have a car, I don't have a computer, or a bike.

I'm not being persecuted, I do not have a church, I do not preach.

Yet, I'm a normal individual with fully functioning organs, which proves, I'm not a spirit, not a car, not a mind, I'm not Jesus neither god, much the less an infallible computer.

I struggle on a daily basis to afford to pay for food and a place to live. I do have a job and I show up to work every time I'm scheduled, that's what has kept me alive. My capacity to work and earn money.

The threat of social media using techniques to manipulate me into spending money on useless items and/or products using unethical methods is a threat and I'm protecting myself by staying informed. I appreciate Dr. Hassan and the newsletters I receive from his company "Freedom Of Mind".

After being involved in destructive cults, false religious doctrines and groups, and raised in a destructive authoritarian family with destructive cultic influences, I could write a book on all the "Crazy, Insane Believes" I've heard throughout my life, most of them harmful, nonetheless, I've decided that none of them are going to take me down.

Being out has been difficult because my sons are not close to me and blame me for the "tragedies" and "destruction" of the family.

My oldest son got close to my brothers in the diasporic religion and is currently in jail serving a 5-year sentence for selling drugs. My other son chose to live with his father. Both of my sons are legally considered adults and with free will to choose how to live their life. However, they have the right to be informed of the truth and told what destructive cults and undue influence are and how they affect people. I'm not giving up on them knowing the truth.

Only my daughter is in direct communication with me and we have a good relationship, my definition of good. She is 22 years old, has a job, earns money to pay for her expenses and is currently in her last year of college.

I have spoken to her about destructive cults, undue influence and malignant narcissistic traits. She knows I've read Dr. Hassan's books and I like watching his videos and knows I'm sharing my story. She knows what the real problems are, not some lies on sins, curses, omens or prophecies.

I have reached the conclusion that there is no god, no devil, no saints, no angels, no demons, no spirits, no ghosts, no heaven, no hell, no life before birth and no life after death.

There are no curses, bad omens or bad luck.

There are no prophets, prophecies, fortune tellers or psychics.

There are no blessings or good luck, and not all therapists are good either. There are many that impose their beliefs and religious doctrines on their patients, I experienced that as well.

I do not believe there are any sacred books or texts.

I'm certain, I'm not a "creator" or created in the image of "God".

The recovery process from the effects of destructive cults, undue influence, false religious doctrines, marriage with a malignant narcissist predator, and destructive authoritarian parents and relatives has been difficult and painful; the phobias are the worst to heal, but reality testing is helping. The research and personal experiences published by many doctors, specialists and honest people are helping in my recovery.

I'm not giving up!

I have become an atheist.

Freedom from Belief and Doctrine: an Atheist at Last!!!