I Left Pseudo Heaven...

Introduction

I left a religious cult that I dedicated 7 years of my life to. I believed that I was following God by obeying the organization.

What is their objective?

With this belief, the goal is to recruit as many members as there are people in the world. Global indoctrination. Through the members' labor and through any means they infiltrate schools, government, religious organizations, and any individual persons.

"We are one."
"Healing all nations."
"We must die, in order to live."

How did I get recruited? How do others get recruited?

I was 16 years old when I was first introduced to this cult by a family member I lived in the same household with. She asked me to spend time with her more and we got closer. She asked me to attend a casual Bible study back in 2014 and I didn't leave this cult until 2021. I dedicated time, skills, and my energy to this place in unimaginable ways. The most frightening aspect was the fact that I wholeheartedly believed it was the only place God's spirit was and that everyone else is Satan. Through that mental framework, I was willing to do anything for the cult. To understand the mental and physical labor or the of the emotional abuse that happens there, I will first explain how members are recruited.

It starts off with a small bible study with opportunities to make new friends. These people are sweet, thoughtful, and super passionate about God and the Bible. Some don't seem as knowledgeable, but are eager to join this study and also be your friend and hang out with you. New friends, New passion, New teachings.

While attending these studies, you don't realize you're withheld information about the group. You don't know the real church name, where their location is, or who is in charge. They present themselves as independent or community-based collaborative with other religious ministries. It is not until they deem the new recruit ready before they reveal the organization's name, location, and leader. It could be 6 months, a year, or even longer before they do so.

How they decide your readiness is based on the reports and monitoring by those friends who were in on it the whole time. The ones who acted like it was also new. They acted like they sacrificed personal desires and commitments in order to pursue the bible study in the urgency to know it as soon as possible. They hung out with the group as a newbie, but actually had took this bible study course many times or at least once before you joined. They are planted to monitor your reactions, what you comment, keep you from talking to other new recruits, and to discourage doubts or actions that would take you away from the group. These are called leaves.

My leaf was my family member. When I had doubt, I turned to her. When I wanted to share about this Bible study, I was dissuaded. When I was being myself, I was given questions to doubt myself and to trust in the people who were holding this Bible study.

My mom disappeared in a shocking way and I didn't have a good relationship with my father. I was scared about entering adulthood and religion was always something for me to feel comfort or safe in. When I got involved with this group, I was vulnerable. Eventually, I believed in it so much that I shaped my life to revolve around it 100%.

The Bible study was twice a week for a year. Then, they graduated us to the church membership. We were told we were being reborn spiritually and it was like our rebirth. So many of us were very young in age. Newly registered into college, or recently graduated and looking for the next change.

I attended services twice a week, a Saturday education program, I restarted the Bible study as I was now the leaf for my loved ones I recruited. I was learning how to teach and recruiting others to join the studies in my free time.

Eventually, I was at church every day. I worked part- time but I spent full-time time even overtime doing labor for the church. I taught the lessons, I became a maintainer, I provided any technical or creative skill I had.

When I got to the point where I was recruiting several people per event, I was given more difficult recruiting endeavors. I reached out to pastors from other churches to get them enrolled into the Bible study. I was also a part of a team where we reached out to North Korean defectors. My face was the perfect disarm to the suspecting. At that point, I was maintaining and teaching up to a hundred individuals in the many different groups and teams I was involved in. I was also practicing for performances until 4 a.m. in order to provide more incentives during the recruiting events.

The process of getting out

I became resentful of how much of my youth I spent there and started partying and drinking. I started dating whoever I wanted because there were restrictions I had faced in the cult. I started shopping for myself and I worked more so I could go to Disneyland. The hold the cult had over me started to fade.

When covid lockdowns hit, it was a breath of peace. The cult was hit hard by the government because of their illegal activities. Being a member in the Los Angeles branch, a lot of information was not given accurately and carefully manipulated. I was a group leader that had to distort, manipulate, and encourage exploitation of members even in the midst of a pandemic. I couldn't be a part of an organization that could not bring real change. The facade had finally faded and my eyes started to see.

Since I now had more time for myself, spent it reading and watching films and TV shows. I noticed a pattern with authoritarianism. I noticed on public forums that I was not alone. I was in a cult.

I finally left when I had a fallout with my family member. I took what she sent me in private and I posted it on a public forum for others to see how leaders are truly treated in this organization. She is still in it. Now, I dedicate myself to healing my inner traumas. I deal with PTSD from the different experiences I had in the cult and I am working on trusting myself and how to trust others.

I am proud to have experienced what I did. I now believe that cult education and the effects of mind control will become more valid in the eyes of the law. I tell my story many times and I will continue to do so. I want to give the opportunity for others to think for themselves and become autonomous if control was taken away. It is possible to gain it back.

I have friends who have helped me come out and through them I am blooming. Through sharing our #igotout stories, I believe we are blooming together.

~ Mia Cardona, former cult member IG: @miavcardona