Until I Knew...

I did not know until I knew
Shadows coming to life anew
Muted echoes, far-off calls
Familiar doodles on the walls
Illuminated in a flash
Unleashing in a tidal wave
The past

My past
So near and yet so far
So fond and yet so strange
Twisted, embedded, woven through
With everything I thought I knew
Was true

Bold and glaring, unrelenting
Layers fall away to bare
The scars
The tears
The buried turmoil of years
The midnight terrors unexplained
The pleasantries to plaster pain
The mask I wore to hide what I
Had never known to meet with whys

Against the riptide of Regret
I own its pull on me and yet
I did not know until I knew
I could not stand until I stood
I could not glimpse what darkness hid
Until I found the light and in
This Light –
Of loss and gain
Healing and pain –
I stand unashamed

– E.S.